Beta #1 is in: pregnant, but only "sort of"

It's a day of good news, bad news.


I got my first beta today, and it's only 48 (I'm 14dpo today), so I expect to find out Friday after my second beta that we're losing yet another baby.

When the nurse called with this morning's result, she built it up and said, "What I'm going to tell you is going to make you have a FABULOUS day!!" When she answered my all-important question of what the number was, I was crest-fallen. With the daughter we lost in 2008 to Turner Syndrome, my 14dpo was over 400. How does this little one possibly stand a chance?

After I got the "good news," I sat there numb for a few minutes, then started sobbing uncontrollably. I just pray that if this little one isn't meant to be a take-home baby, that it will happen mercifully quickly and not drag on for months. I'd rather be dead than go through that devastation again.

I haven't shared with J. my complete confidence that this baby is doomed to die, but I did let him know we can't be excited until we see whether my hCG is going up or down. He's still excited and prayed for our baby when he got home from work. It breaks my heart to hear him proud and excited about finally becoming a Dad... when I know he may never get to be one.